La Dolce Vita!

This week has been amazing.

I am now an employee of Netflix. I'm two days into training and loving it. It's 100% customer service, I get three days off a week, I have benefits effective immediately, pay is great, the work atmosphere is refreshing...I could go on forever. I once swore I would never work in a call center and sit at a cubicle in front of a computer all day. The minute I walked into the building, however, I was amazed at how relaxed the work environment was. They treat their employees like gold. I feel very blessed. Oh, and I get a free Netflix subscription! And not just 1 or 2 DVDs at a time. No. I get 8. It's a huge perk for movie buffs like Nathan and I. Our first eight arrive tomorrow.

We are pretty much all moved in to our apartment. We're little by little getting boxes put away and whatnot. We love our little love nest.

The Bridal Showcase was really fun. I made some very useful modeling contacts. They had us running around all over the place. I drove all the way across Portland two days last week. It was fun, though. I haven't explored very much of that particular part of the city. I saw my friend Heather from high school at the show. She's getting married next August and was browsing for dresses and venues with her mom and sister. It was nice to reconnect with her.

I am very anxious for the election next week. Primarily, so all the negative ad campaigns will end. And so Oregon Forward will stop calling me. The joys of being a registered Independent. I am very hopeful that Barack Obama wins. I know it's all in God's hands and our best interests are ultimately designed by Him, but if it be His will I pray Obama will guide our nation through the next four and perhaps eight years.

I bought a used copy of a book called Presence. It's a collection of short stories by Arthur Miller, who is my favorite playwright. It's a good read.

I feel like I have more purpose in my life right now. It is difficult to describe. I feel very centered, very purpose-driven.

I love trees.


I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.
- Leo Rosten

Turn and face the strain...

I worked my last day at SBux on Wednesday. It was bittersweet. I wish Tuesday could've been Wednesday, because then I would've had a better last day. Tuesday was a lot nicer than Wednesday.

My dad took a cabaret class at Tony Starlight's Supperclub and they gave a performance last week. It was so good! They had a jam session afterwards, and I sang "I'll Be Seeing You" and dad sang a Cole Porter song, the name of which escapes me at the moment. It was a lot of fun. My dad is awesome.

Nate and I move into our new apartment tomorrow!!! I'm so pumped!

I had a phone interview for a CSR position with Netflix on Thursday. It went very well, I have an in-person interview on Tuesday. The pay is great, so I'm praying really hard that this one works out. I also have an appointment to reactivate my file with the temp agency I used to work with, and I've put my resume out to a couple of other places. So far the prospects are promising.

I also have a modeling gig! I'm a runway model for the Rose City Bridal Showcase next weekend. I'm really excited. I have a rehearsal on Sunday afternoon.

Nate and I watched The Notebook last night. The first time I saw that movie, I hated it. Loathed it. I thought it was so contrived and stupidly cheesy. After watching it last night, I now really really like it. I don't think I really appreciated the story the first time I saw it. And also, it's interesting how our life experiences influence the way we see things. Having Nathan in my life has just added so many colors to the canvas; I think that had a lot to do with my shifted opinion as well. :)

I'm really ready for the election to be over. The negative campaigning just sends so many bad vibes.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: I love autumn in Oregon.





So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like?
- Noah Calhoun

The Next Chapter

I gave my two weeks notice at the Starb on Wednesday. Since the first day I worked at this particular store, I've kept saying "Well, tomorrow it will get better...Saturday will be less busy...Monday someone won't call off...Wednesday we won't be understaffed...Next week it'll get better..."

Next week kept coming, and it never got any better. I'm sure it will eventually, but I'm no longer willing to wait. My particular position is too much stress for not enough money. It's time to move on. And make more money.

Nathan and my parents were more adamant about me quitting than I was. I was going to stick it out as long as possible. That may have been disastrous.

Even since I gave my notice, I keep questioning if I made the right decision. I'm unemployed as of October 15th. I lose my benefits at the end of the month. How long will it take me to get another job? I've become so used to coffee-making and multitasking, I'm weirdly scared of my life without it.

But why am I so anxious? I know I did the right thing. I'm so unhappy there now. It used to be so much fun, and now it's just stress. And I'm worth so much more than what they're paying me.

Then I found this. Which kind of sums up almost the reason behind every thing I've ever been apprehensive about, including my job.


From www.backinskinnyjeans.com by Stephanie Quilao
8 Ways “Perfect Girl” Holds You Back

Many of us let our inner Perfect Girl take the driver’s seat because we believe that she knows all the answers and that she knows better than we do. Indeed, in many cases Perfect Girl has helped us be accomplished, and has helped us develop high standards for our life which is a good thing. However, Perfect Girl can also hold you back from being your true self and from living your most authentic life. Here’s 8 ways Perfect Girl holds you back:

Perfect Girl likes to stay within her comfort zone. She will only tackle things she knows she can at least be 90% good at. If you only stick to things you think you’re good at, how do you know you’re not missing out on something you could be awesome at, but would never try because initially it doesn’t look like something you could be good at. Start stepping out of your comfort zone.

Perfect Girl is high maintenance. Ever notice that when she is in charge, you are always tired, frustrated, and tense? Why, because Perfect Girl is unrealistic, relentless and pushes you constantly to go way above the call duty. Start asking yourself why you have to do more work than need be.

Perfect Girl can’t stop and smell the roses because she’s fixated on wanting to prune the roses, water the roses, and read tips from Martha Stewart to make her roses grow bigger and brighter. In reality, life is not a competition or a beauty contest, only Perfect Girl believes that.

Ever wonder why that guy at work whom you think is a “total idiot with dumb half planned ideas” always gets his projects or a budget approved, or gets invited to planning meetings you don’t? Well, that’s because he’s not waiting for “perfect work.” He’s okay with “good enough.” Perfect Girl has to wait until all her ducks are in a row and every “i” is dotted before she’ll move forward, and in the process everyone else passes you by.

Perfect Girl starts mentally beating you up because “you” failed at meeting all the goals on her to do list. Instead of focusing on the success you did achieve for the week (prosperity thinking), Perfect Girl focuses on what you failed at (lack thinking). Perfect Girl hinders your prosperity.

Perfect Girl apologizes for everything whether it is her fault or not. You are not responsible for other people’s actions, only your own if you genuinely did something to warrant an apology. If they get mad, so what? They will get over it. When you apologize for others you are actually hindering their own growth. People learn by having to reap what they sow.

Perfect Girl does not set boundaries because she is afraid of people getting mad at her. This behavior trains people to treat you like a doormat. If you don’t set boundaries, people will continue to push you around, use you, and take advantage of you. In turn you become resentful and angry, so to change that start setting limits with people and tell them so.

Perfect Girl is boring and unreal. Turn the tables. Have you ever been around someone who does everything right and perfectly? How does it make you feel? Flaws and imperfections are what make people unique and interesting like a cool worn-in leather jacket.

So, when you feel Perfect Girl starting to take over, remember, you are the one driving your life not her. At the same time, don’t ignore her and do acknowledge that she is a part of you too. When you can work as a team, life becomes better for both of you.


It's time to break out my comfort zone, set some boundaries, stop apologizing for things that aren't my fault, stop beating myself up and start smelling the roses instead of coffee beans.