The Pursuit of Happiness

I am thrilled at the results of this week's election. I prayed very hard for this outcome.

I was disappointed that California didn't defeat proposition 8. I was also very disappointed with the way the Mormon church was depicted. I have some close friends who are Mormon, and many of the things that have been said by the prop. 8 opposition are not fair. Part of democracy is the freedom to vote for issues one supports. Simply because an individual supported prop. 8 does not make them a "gay-hater".

Here are my two cents:

I do not believe that being gay is a choice.

I am a Christian. I believe that Christ died to save me from my sins, that I may become closer with and more connected to God and His will for my life.

I am a Christian. I am also an American, and believe that in this country everyone should be an equal citizen.

Religious beliefs do not justify the treatment of individuals as second class citizens. Without an effective institution to recognize same-sex unions, gay American citizens do not have the same rights as straight Americans. The country that was founded on Christian morals also dictated that every American has the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Every human being is entitled to happiness.

Part of my happiness-pursuit is spending the rest of my life with the person I love in matrimony. As an American, how could I deny someone else that path?

Marriage is not a right. Marriage is a choice two people who love each other make when they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Two people who love each other can also pledge to spend the rest of their lives together without getting married, but they don't have the same rights as people who do, i.e. hospital visitation rights, etc.

Marriage is a religious institution. It is also a legal institution. There are people who get married in churches, and there are people who get married in courthouses. I have trouble understanding why it is acceptable in some people's eyes for two non-religious people to participate in the religious institution of marriage and yet it is unacceptable for two gay individuals to do the same.

I don't believe you should get married in a church if you don't believe in God. It doesn't make sense for two people to swear to spend the rest of their lives together before a God they may not believe in. However, that's not the world we live in. Believers get married, non-believers get married. Meanwhile, gays and lesbians are treated as second-class citizens, ineligible for the same rights as other citizens. And so, I would've voted against proposition 8.

There needs to be an institution that gives gay and lesbian Americans the same rights as married straight Americans. Otherwise, we will not live in the nation our forefathers designed.



"When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. "

- John Hancock

La Dolce Vita!

This week has been amazing.

I am now an employee of Netflix. I'm two days into training and loving it. It's 100% customer service, I get three days off a week, I have benefits effective immediately, pay is great, the work atmosphere is refreshing...I could go on forever. I once swore I would never work in a call center and sit at a cubicle in front of a computer all day. The minute I walked into the building, however, I was amazed at how relaxed the work environment was. They treat their employees like gold. I feel very blessed. Oh, and I get a free Netflix subscription! And not just 1 or 2 DVDs at a time. No. I get 8. It's a huge perk for movie buffs like Nathan and I. Our first eight arrive tomorrow.

We are pretty much all moved in to our apartment. We're little by little getting boxes put away and whatnot. We love our little love nest.

The Bridal Showcase was really fun. I made some very useful modeling contacts. They had us running around all over the place. I drove all the way across Portland two days last week. It was fun, though. I haven't explored very much of that particular part of the city. I saw my friend Heather from high school at the show. She's getting married next August and was browsing for dresses and venues with her mom and sister. It was nice to reconnect with her.

I am very anxious for the election next week. Primarily, so all the negative ad campaigns will end. And so Oregon Forward will stop calling me. The joys of being a registered Independent. I am very hopeful that Barack Obama wins. I know it's all in God's hands and our best interests are ultimately designed by Him, but if it be His will I pray Obama will guide our nation through the next four and perhaps eight years.

I bought a used copy of a book called Presence. It's a collection of short stories by Arthur Miller, who is my favorite playwright. It's a good read.

I feel like I have more purpose in my life right now. It is difficult to describe. I feel very centered, very purpose-driven.

I love trees.


I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.
- Leo Rosten

Turn and face the strain...

I worked my last day at SBux on Wednesday. It was bittersweet. I wish Tuesday could've been Wednesday, because then I would've had a better last day. Tuesday was a lot nicer than Wednesday.

My dad took a cabaret class at Tony Starlight's Supperclub and they gave a performance last week. It was so good! They had a jam session afterwards, and I sang "I'll Be Seeing You" and dad sang a Cole Porter song, the name of which escapes me at the moment. It was a lot of fun. My dad is awesome.

Nate and I move into our new apartment tomorrow!!! I'm so pumped!

I had a phone interview for a CSR position with Netflix on Thursday. It went very well, I have an in-person interview on Tuesday. The pay is great, so I'm praying really hard that this one works out. I also have an appointment to reactivate my file with the temp agency I used to work with, and I've put my resume out to a couple of other places. So far the prospects are promising.

I also have a modeling gig! I'm a runway model for the Rose City Bridal Showcase next weekend. I'm really excited. I have a rehearsal on Sunday afternoon.

Nate and I watched The Notebook last night. The first time I saw that movie, I hated it. Loathed it. I thought it was so contrived and stupidly cheesy. After watching it last night, I now really really like it. I don't think I really appreciated the story the first time I saw it. And also, it's interesting how our life experiences influence the way we see things. Having Nathan in my life has just added so many colors to the canvas; I think that had a lot to do with my shifted opinion as well. :)

I'm really ready for the election to be over. The negative campaigning just sends so many bad vibes.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: I love autumn in Oregon.





So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like?
- Noah Calhoun

The Next Chapter

I gave my two weeks notice at the Starb on Wednesday. Since the first day I worked at this particular store, I've kept saying "Well, tomorrow it will get better...Saturday will be less busy...Monday someone won't call off...Wednesday we won't be understaffed...Next week it'll get better..."

Next week kept coming, and it never got any better. I'm sure it will eventually, but I'm no longer willing to wait. My particular position is too much stress for not enough money. It's time to move on. And make more money.

Nathan and my parents were more adamant about me quitting than I was. I was going to stick it out as long as possible. That may have been disastrous.

Even since I gave my notice, I keep questioning if I made the right decision. I'm unemployed as of October 15th. I lose my benefits at the end of the month. How long will it take me to get another job? I've become so used to coffee-making and multitasking, I'm weirdly scared of my life without it.

But why am I so anxious? I know I did the right thing. I'm so unhappy there now. It used to be so much fun, and now it's just stress. And I'm worth so much more than what they're paying me.

Then I found this. Which kind of sums up almost the reason behind every thing I've ever been apprehensive about, including my job.


From www.backinskinnyjeans.com by Stephanie Quilao
8 Ways “Perfect Girl” Holds You Back

Many of us let our inner Perfect Girl take the driver’s seat because we believe that she knows all the answers and that she knows better than we do. Indeed, in many cases Perfect Girl has helped us be accomplished, and has helped us develop high standards for our life which is a good thing. However, Perfect Girl can also hold you back from being your true self and from living your most authentic life. Here’s 8 ways Perfect Girl holds you back:

Perfect Girl likes to stay within her comfort zone. She will only tackle things she knows she can at least be 90% good at. If you only stick to things you think you’re good at, how do you know you’re not missing out on something you could be awesome at, but would never try because initially it doesn’t look like something you could be good at. Start stepping out of your comfort zone.

Perfect Girl is high maintenance. Ever notice that when she is in charge, you are always tired, frustrated, and tense? Why, because Perfect Girl is unrealistic, relentless and pushes you constantly to go way above the call duty. Start asking yourself why you have to do more work than need be.

Perfect Girl can’t stop and smell the roses because she’s fixated on wanting to prune the roses, water the roses, and read tips from Martha Stewart to make her roses grow bigger and brighter. In reality, life is not a competition or a beauty contest, only Perfect Girl believes that.

Ever wonder why that guy at work whom you think is a “total idiot with dumb half planned ideas” always gets his projects or a budget approved, or gets invited to planning meetings you don’t? Well, that’s because he’s not waiting for “perfect work.” He’s okay with “good enough.” Perfect Girl has to wait until all her ducks are in a row and every “i” is dotted before she’ll move forward, and in the process everyone else passes you by.

Perfect Girl starts mentally beating you up because “you” failed at meeting all the goals on her to do list. Instead of focusing on the success you did achieve for the week (prosperity thinking), Perfect Girl focuses on what you failed at (lack thinking). Perfect Girl hinders your prosperity.

Perfect Girl apologizes for everything whether it is her fault or not. You are not responsible for other people’s actions, only your own if you genuinely did something to warrant an apology. If they get mad, so what? They will get over it. When you apologize for others you are actually hindering their own growth. People learn by having to reap what they sow.

Perfect Girl does not set boundaries because she is afraid of people getting mad at her. This behavior trains people to treat you like a doormat. If you don’t set boundaries, people will continue to push you around, use you, and take advantage of you. In turn you become resentful and angry, so to change that start setting limits with people and tell them so.

Perfect Girl is boring and unreal. Turn the tables. Have you ever been around someone who does everything right and perfectly? How does it make you feel? Flaws and imperfections are what make people unique and interesting like a cool worn-in leather jacket.

So, when you feel Perfect Girl starting to take over, remember, you are the one driving your life not her. At the same time, don’t ignore her and do acknowledge that she is a part of you too. When you can work as a team, life becomes better for both of you.


It's time to break out my comfort zone, set some boundaries, stop apologizing for things that aren't my fault, stop beating myself up and start smelling the roses instead of coffee beans.

Happy Autumn!

Autumn in Oregon is beautiful. It's crisp but not cold. It's red and orange, but the pines stay green. It's awesome.

Nathan started his new job on Thursday. Just like all transitions, it is laced with challenges. But he gets some great perks, so that's exciting. We went to the Evergreen Aviation and Space Museum for free today! It was so cool. The Spruce Goose has been here for a long time now, but this was the first time I'd ever seen it. They have a bunch of the scale models that were used for the film The Aviator. Those were neat too.

We found a lovely apartment. We move in a couple of weeks. I've been shopping my Ikea catalog, making note of all the beautiful furniture I want to buy! There's a deck/balcony. I'm excited to buy some pots and plant some flowers before it gets too cold.

I may have to go back and edit all of my blog entries. I found at least 3 spelling errors and I almost went MAD! I'm a compulsive grammar/spelling checker.

I think privatizing social security is a bad idea. No thank you, John McCain.

It's gym time! Good night and dream well.

Vows - Edited 9/23

Prospects will crumble
Tears will fall
“No matter what happens,
I’ll always have you.”

Dollars will dwindle
Cupboards will empty
“No matter what happens,
I’ll always have you.”

Auras will thicken
Rooms will divide
“No matter what happens,
I’ll always have you.”

Warranties will expire
Plumbing will fail
“No matter what happens,
I’ll always have you.”

Dreams will evolve
Inspiration will flourish
“No matter what happens,
I’ll always have you.”

Faith will sprout
Love, we will.
No matter what happens,
I’ll always have you.


- written by me, September 18, 2008



I will no doubt rearrange all the words six or seven times before I decide that my original draft was the best. (And I did!)



Words are things, and a small drop of ink, falling like dew upon a thought, produces that which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think.
-Lord Byron

An Open Letter to the General Public:

Dear populace,

I'm sick of you thinking you are better than me.

I'm sick of you driving up to the window in your Suburban and treating me like dirt.  Just because you're decked from head to toe in Nike on your way back from the country club sporting your Coach purse and gaudy fake-looking diamond ring does not give you the right to be rude to me and my fellow hardworking co-workers.  

Two customers ordered similar drinks today.  One didn't get made because there was a miscommunication and the partner preparing beverages thought it was mistakenly entered in the computer.  When my co-worker at the window told the customer politely that it would be just a moment, that there was a mix-up.  She scoffs, turns to the woman in the passenger and says "Apparently it doesn't take an education to work at Starbucks...Yeah, I guess they'll hire anybody."

You are no better than the young man working behind the register at McDonalds.  You are no better than your waitress at The Olive Garden.  You are no better than the gentleman at Chevron pumping your gas.  We are all made of water and carbon.  We breathe the same air and walk the same ground.  We are completely equal in God's eyes.

Why don't you chose to treat me as you would your brother or sister?  At the end of it all, aren't we all connected?  Why do you feel the need to elevate yourself?  Are you that dissatisfied with your life and who you are, that you must put down others?  I am sad for you.

Perhaps you should evaluate what's really important in your life.  And you could probably also benefit from choosing the Tall Frappucino instead of the Venti.

Sincerely.