Peculiar Passing Moments

Today I feel better about things.

Inspiration and encouragement come from the most unexpected and wonderful places.  I recently had my hair cut by a wonderful gal at a salon in Beaverton.  She recently moved here from Texas.  The subject came up that I had been laid off.  She shared a story with me about how she had been unexpectedly let go from a job once too, but that it opened a door to a better career.  "I know it's hard, but don't worry.  I can tell you're a smart girl", she said.  "Something better will turn up."  She was my angel that day.  It was exactly what I needed to hear.  I was so thankful that she said it!

One of my "other mothers" was my angel the other day.  Her husband is extraordinary and hard-working.  She told me that he has been laid off three times in his life.  I was so surprised.  But I was very relieved; I realized that it just happens.  But it happens for a reason.

I've set the wheels in motion to apply for grad school in January.  Oregon State has a one-year immersion program where I could get my teaching license and my M.A.T.  I'm leaning towards ECE/Elementary Education to start out with.  I'd like to be licensed through 12th grade eventually.

I think I get it.  I'm supposed to be somewhere I can make a difference.

Soap Box

The following is an expression of frustration regarding several issues and/or behaviors I have noticed lately in various contexts.

The first: women/men who use words like "skank", "hoe" and "bitch" as terms of endearment. I think it's a huge step backwards in our overall cultural development. I went to my church's senior luncheon on Wednesday and had an interesting conversation with a delightful lady about etiquette and how it doesn't really exist anymore. I'm not saying we need to revert back to 1910 and hold our pinkies in the air when we drink coffee and tea; but I think there is a definite lack of respect in general between individuals in our society. Swearing in public in front of strangers is rude. I think calling your best friend a "whore" and then following it with "Love you!!!" contributes to her lack of self-esteem. That kind of sarcasm irks me; I see it creating a negative energy that is ultimately destructive.

Second issue: Oregon's weather. It's f-ing cold. Seriously.

Issue the third: women who hold onto past relationships. Let it go. It's over. Grieve and mourn, and then move on. Don't text him. Don't write on his wall. Don't meet him for happy hour. Be amicable; but you can't be friends. Everything happens for a reason, and there's a reason it's over. (The preceding is completely the opinion of the author and does not apply in all situations. But most of the time, it does.)

I'm not really sure where all that came from. It popped into my head earlier today and thought I would vent it into cyberspace so it wouldn't clog up my imagination. Some of it is probably due to the fact that I am under the weather. I have a raging headache right now.

Some of it also may come from the frustration stemming from the fact that I was laid off last week.

I put 110% of myself into my work. It was pretty crushing.

Ok. New soap box:

Primary issue: don't let your job define your self-worth. In fact, don't let anyone but yourself define your self-worth. There will be many opportunities in life, and none of them will last forever. Everything happens for a reason. God shuts the doors and opens windows. He has plans for you that are greater than you can possibly imagine. Have faith. And keep looking up.

Always good to end on a positive note.

Off I scamper to claim my unemployment benefits for this week.

What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.

- Revelation 3:7-8

Breaking Rules

When I was 17, I made a rule for myself: I would not get married before I turned 30. I was fiercely dedicated to the idea that I would move to New York and have a booming acting career, and I wasn't going to let a man get in the way of that.

It's so funny, these plans and rules we make; I'm sure God just sits back, shakes his head and chuckles.

On September 6th, Nathan asked me to marry him at the Heceta Head lighthouse overlooking the Pacific ocean. It was the most perfect moment of my life. And now I'm having tons of fun planning my wedding. We have our venue booked and I'm currently going back and forth between two breathtaking Maggie Sottero dresses. We're getting married on August 8, 2010. We want to honeymoon in either Hawaii or Costa Rica. (Hawaii is winning right now.) I feel so much more complete, like part of me was missing before.

In August, I quit my job at Netflix. I remember writing about how I once promised myself I would never work in a call center. I realize now why that was true. It was so mundane. All those stupid statistics that determined how well I was doing...they had no meaning whatsoever. It was a difficult decision; I'm not a quitter. But I was stifled.

God had other plans. A week before my last day, I filled out an application online (one of many) for a job at a graphic design and print shop in downtown Portland. The same day I filled out the application, I had a phone call from the owner asking for an interview. That was Wednesday. Friday I had my interview, where she offered me the job on the spot. I started a week later.

It's a great job. I'm learning so much. I feel appreciated. We're working on really great projects for prominent businesses in Portland. Last week, I was in charge a marketing booklet that we shipped to the VP of Yahoo. It's awesome. Not to mention, I know where I'm getting my wedding invitations done. :)

I've been taking class with my dad at Tony Starlight's in the Hollywood District. We've been singing and performing together. It's one of the coolest things I've ever done. I love listening to my dad sing, and I love that I'm singing and performing again. If I had moved to New York, I wouldn't be able to do this with my dad. I'm really glad I stayed in Ohio and then moved home.

Nathan started classes last week at Portland State University. He's getting his degree in Mechanical Engineering, something he's wanted to do for a while. He's achieved perfect scores on all of his assignments so far. I'm so proud of him.

The summer was full of tough decisions and challenges; autumn has brought so many new and exciting changes. We couldn't get to autumn without going through summer. I am thankful to God for those trials, because ultimately they reaped so many blessings.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

~ Psalm 46:1-3

Flexibility

My goal lately is to adapt. Overall. In general.

We can't control what happens to us. We can control how we handle the situation. We can adjust our attitude.

I have a bad attitude about things sometimes. I get wrapped up in "why is this happening to me" and "this isn't fair". It's something of which I'm now very aware. So I have a choice: wallow in my maladjusted 'tude or change my perspective. I choose the latter.

Subsequently, my normally sky-high stress level has plummeted. It might just be the best feeling in the world.

Dear God,

Please let tomorrow bring good things.  And if for whatever reason it doesn't, please give the strength to deal with those things gracefully.  Help me to remember that you have my best interests in mind.

These past few weeks have been very trying.  I am very tired.  And I know you know that.  In some respects, I'm proud of the way I've handled things;  in others, though, I'm not.  At this point there's not much need for me to go into detail, because you already know everything.  I guess I'm sorry for my attitude.  I'm sorry I let worry and fear fog up the path you've laid ahead of me.  And I'm sorry I keep asking you for the map.  I guess I just feel like I need to see it, even though I know I don't.

I'm so thankful for the blessings you've given me.  I don't say that often enough.  And I'm thankful for the the trials and tribulations.  Even though they suck hardcore, I know you have a purpose for them; and I know that I will be stronger having lived through them.

Thank you for my friends and family, and thank you that I am loved by such an extraordinary man.

And thank you for semicolons; they are my favorite punctuation mark.  

Most sincerely and with all the love in my heart,

Me.

The thing is to rely on God. The time will come when you will regard all this misery as a small price to pay for having been brought to that dependence. Meanwhile, the trouble is that relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing has yet been done. 

- C.S. Lewis

Once again, dear blog, I have neglected thee.  Forgive me, won't you?

Life has been crazy.  I put in a lot of overtime in January and February.  It was grueling.  God has a purpose for everything, though.  As exhausting as it was, it gave me the funds to purchase a new car two weeks ago.  

Speaking of God, He has a funny way of weaving blessings into disasters.

On April 1st, Nathan and I woke up and proceeded to partake in our Wednesday morning ritual:  breakfast at Shari's/IHOP/Elmer's/whatever tickles our fancy.  I stepped outside and noticed my car was absent from it's parking space.  Twenty minutes later, I had filed a police report and was on the phone with my insurance company filing a claim, having driven around the parking lot of my apartment complex and drilling the front office folks if any cars had been towed from the lot the night before (none had).  The Beaverton police officer who filed the stolen vehicle report for my 1991 Toyta Camry educated me on the finer points of car theft, i.e. that the 1991 Toyta Camry is a popular car in the "stolen" category because it's easy to break into and start with a "jiggle key" (a key that's been filed down, making it easy to trigger the tumbler inside the locking mechanism and the ignition).  She also mentioned that older Toyota Camrys are the most commonly stolen vehicles reported in the state of Oregon.  Awesome.

This was turning into a lousy April Fool's prank.

At 1:45 the following morning, I received a phone call from the Beaverton Police dispatch service.  They had found my car in the parking lot of the Shari's Restaurant kitty-corner from Sunset High School.  It wouldn't start.  I had to come inspect it before they could take it out of the stolen vehicle registry.  So Nathan and I drove to North Beaverton.  The car wouldn't start, but it looked okay.  Upon further inspection I discovered that the culprits had stolen two of my jackets, several blankets and my Netflix travel mug.  The jackets weren't so important, but I was livid over my stolen travel mug.  The owner's manual had been removed from the glove compartment and thrown into my lunch bag from the previous work day.  There were no auto body shops open to have my car towed to, so we headed back home.  I slept for two more hours before I had to head into work.

After working a few hours of my shift, I headed back to my little car to have it towed and inspected.  The thief had worn the breaks down to the metal and had sliced the CV boots, making my car very unsafe to drive.  It was becoming very clear that I wouldn't be able to rely on my little Camry for much longer.

I'd been planning on purchasing a new car since Nathan and I moved back to Oregon.  Basically, the theft of my Camry just expedited the process.  Going back to God, I realized that had I not been forced to put in all that overtime December through February, I wouldn't have had the money as quickly as I did to put a down payment on the 2003 Subaru Forester now parked outside my apartment.  And the whole experience, while incredibly disturbing, made me appreciate all the things I take for granted.  I used to complain about how crappy my old car was when I should've just been happy to have a car period.  It was definitely a spiritual teachable moment.

In other news, I am elated that spring is finally here!  Megan and I visited the Wooden Shoe Farm Tulip Festival, went wine tasting in Aurora and then hit up the outlet stores in Woodburn for some hardcore bargain shopping.  Nathan and I are planning a trip to Vegas, so I bought some cute outfits for our vacation next month.

I'm also teaching a Shakespeare class to some middle schoolers through a non-profit community theatre group.  It would actually be more appropriate to say that they're teaching me; they're incredibly bright and grasping all the concepts and lesson plans that I've thrown at them.  I wish all tweens were as smart as they are!  It's been incredibly fulfilling.

Time to settle down for a cozy Saturday evening at home.