Flexibility

My goal lately is to adapt. Overall. In general.

We can't control what happens to us. We can control how we handle the situation. We can adjust our attitude.

I have a bad attitude about things sometimes. I get wrapped up in "why is this happening to me" and "this isn't fair". It's something of which I'm now very aware. So I have a choice: wallow in my maladjusted 'tude or change my perspective. I choose the latter.

Subsequently, my normally sky-high stress level has plummeted. It might just be the best feeling in the world.

Dear God,

Please let tomorrow bring good things.  And if for whatever reason it doesn't, please give the strength to deal with those things gracefully.  Help me to remember that you have my best interests in mind.

These past few weeks have been very trying.  I am very tired.  And I know you know that.  In some respects, I'm proud of the way I've handled things;  in others, though, I'm not.  At this point there's not much need for me to go into detail, because you already know everything.  I guess I'm sorry for my attitude.  I'm sorry I let worry and fear fog up the path you've laid ahead of me.  And I'm sorry I keep asking you for the map.  I guess I just feel like I need to see it, even though I know I don't.

I'm so thankful for the blessings you've given me.  I don't say that often enough.  And I'm thankful for the the trials and tribulations.  Even though they suck hardcore, I know you have a purpose for them; and I know that I will be stronger having lived through them.

Thank you for my friends and family, and thank you that I am loved by such an extraordinary man.

And thank you for semicolons; they are my favorite punctuation mark.  

Most sincerely and with all the love in my heart,

Me.

The thing is to rely on God. The time will come when you will regard all this misery as a small price to pay for having been brought to that dependence. Meanwhile, the trouble is that relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing has yet been done. 

- C.S. Lewis

Once again, dear blog, I have neglected thee.  Forgive me, won't you?

Life has been crazy.  I put in a lot of overtime in January and February.  It was grueling.  God has a purpose for everything, though.  As exhausting as it was, it gave me the funds to purchase a new car two weeks ago.  

Speaking of God, He has a funny way of weaving blessings into disasters.

On April 1st, Nathan and I woke up and proceeded to partake in our Wednesday morning ritual:  breakfast at Shari's/IHOP/Elmer's/whatever tickles our fancy.  I stepped outside and noticed my car was absent from it's parking space.  Twenty minutes later, I had filed a police report and was on the phone with my insurance company filing a claim, having driven around the parking lot of my apartment complex and drilling the front office folks if any cars had been towed from the lot the night before (none had).  The Beaverton police officer who filed the stolen vehicle report for my 1991 Toyta Camry educated me on the finer points of car theft, i.e. that the 1991 Toyta Camry is a popular car in the "stolen" category because it's easy to break into and start with a "jiggle key" (a key that's been filed down, making it easy to trigger the tumbler inside the locking mechanism and the ignition).  She also mentioned that older Toyota Camrys are the most commonly stolen vehicles reported in the state of Oregon.  Awesome.

This was turning into a lousy April Fool's prank.

At 1:45 the following morning, I received a phone call from the Beaverton Police dispatch service.  They had found my car in the parking lot of the Shari's Restaurant kitty-corner from Sunset High School.  It wouldn't start.  I had to come inspect it before they could take it out of the stolen vehicle registry.  So Nathan and I drove to North Beaverton.  The car wouldn't start, but it looked okay.  Upon further inspection I discovered that the culprits had stolen two of my jackets, several blankets and my Netflix travel mug.  The jackets weren't so important, but I was livid over my stolen travel mug.  The owner's manual had been removed from the glove compartment and thrown into my lunch bag from the previous work day.  There were no auto body shops open to have my car towed to, so we headed back home.  I slept for two more hours before I had to head into work.

After working a few hours of my shift, I headed back to my little car to have it towed and inspected.  The thief had worn the breaks down to the metal and had sliced the CV boots, making my car very unsafe to drive.  It was becoming very clear that I wouldn't be able to rely on my little Camry for much longer.

I'd been planning on purchasing a new car since Nathan and I moved back to Oregon.  Basically, the theft of my Camry just expedited the process.  Going back to God, I realized that had I not been forced to put in all that overtime December through February, I wouldn't have had the money as quickly as I did to put a down payment on the 2003 Subaru Forester now parked outside my apartment.  And the whole experience, while incredibly disturbing, made me appreciate all the things I take for granted.  I used to complain about how crappy my old car was when I should've just been happy to have a car period.  It was definitely a spiritual teachable moment.

In other news, I am elated that spring is finally here!  Megan and I visited the Wooden Shoe Farm Tulip Festival, went wine tasting in Aurora and then hit up the outlet stores in Woodburn for some hardcore bargain shopping.  Nathan and I are planning a trip to Vegas, so I bought some cute outfits for our vacation next month.

I'm also teaching a Shakespeare class to some middle schoolers through a non-profit community theatre group.  It would actually be more appropriate to say that they're teaching me; they're incredibly bright and grasping all the concepts and lesson plans that I've thrown at them.  I wish all tweens were as smart as they are!  It's been incredibly fulfilling.

Time to settle down for a cozy Saturday evening at home.

Dear Blog

Forgive me, for I have neglected thee.

I've been working lots of overtime lately. I'm very tired. But then I open my paycheck and feel better. Money can't buy happiness, but I sure am a lot happier now that I'm making more money than I was before.

I am totally over this weather we've been having. There's four inches of snow on the ground. I almost got crushed by two large trucks on my way home from work today. It takes me an hour to drive from my apartment to Hillsboro. It should take 15 minutes. Snow is only fun if school and work get cancelled and you get to stay home and play in it. Otherwise it's just a pain in the boo-tay.

The snow has ruined all my holiday shopping plans. I haven't done any Christmas shopping. None. I was going to go last Sunday. It snowed 3 inches. Then I was going to go on Wednesday. It was icy. And there's supposed to be an ice storm tomorrow. And Monday. Freezing rain on Tuesday.

Oh well. I'll figure something out.

Nathan got a new job! The pay is better, the commute is shorter and the people are nicer. I'm so happy for him. The last gig turned out to be a big-time bust. We're trying to plan a trip to Vegas some time in late January or early February. I really want to make it back to CBus before long too to visit Nathan's mom and grandparents. And my girls. I miss them.

I'm just so ready for winter to be over. Can we just skip winter? It's my least favorite season. Please and thank you. And Christmas just feels so different this year. I think it's a combination of the weather, too much work and just the feel of the world in general. Everyone is struggling in their own way, more so this year than in the past it seems. It's bittersweet; struggling sucks, but it makes us appreciate things we may otherwise take for granted.

That which does not kill us only makes us stronger. Cliche, but true. This too shall pass. Very true. Cling to that which is good.

I am very thankful to be home in Oregon with my parents and my Nathan. I hate the weather, but the pine trees are truly beautiful when they're covered in snow.

I think I'll cuddle with my boy and watch a Christmas movie.


In the darkest hour through which a human soul can pass, whatever else is doubtful, this at least is certain. If there be no God and no future state, yet, even then, it is better to be generous than selfish, better to be chaste than licentious, better to be true than false, better to be brave than to be a coward. Blessed beyond all earthly blessedness is the man who, in the tempestuous darkness of the soul, has dared to hold fast to these venerable landmarks. Thrice blest is he who, when all is dreary and cheerless within and without, when his teachers terrify him, and friends shrink from him, has obstinately clung to moral good.
- Frederick William Robertson

The Pursuit of Happiness

I am thrilled at the results of this week's election. I prayed very hard for this outcome.

I was disappointed that California didn't defeat proposition 8. I was also very disappointed with the way the Mormon church was depicted. I have some close friends who are Mormon, and many of the things that have been said by the prop. 8 opposition are not fair. Part of democracy is the freedom to vote for issues one supports. Simply because an individual supported prop. 8 does not make them a "gay-hater".

Here are my two cents:

I do not believe that being gay is a choice.

I am a Christian. I believe that Christ died to save me from my sins, that I may become closer with and more connected to God and His will for my life.

I am a Christian. I am also an American, and believe that in this country everyone should be an equal citizen.

Religious beliefs do not justify the treatment of individuals as second class citizens. Without an effective institution to recognize same-sex unions, gay American citizens do not have the same rights as straight Americans. The country that was founded on Christian morals also dictated that every American has the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Every human being is entitled to happiness.

Part of my happiness-pursuit is spending the rest of my life with the person I love in matrimony. As an American, how could I deny someone else that path?

Marriage is not a right. Marriage is a choice two people who love each other make when they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Two people who love each other can also pledge to spend the rest of their lives together without getting married, but they don't have the same rights as people who do, i.e. hospital visitation rights, etc.

Marriage is a religious institution. It is also a legal institution. There are people who get married in churches, and there are people who get married in courthouses. I have trouble understanding why it is acceptable in some people's eyes for two non-religious people to participate in the religious institution of marriage and yet it is unacceptable for two gay individuals to do the same.

I don't believe you should get married in a church if you don't believe in God. It doesn't make sense for two people to swear to spend the rest of their lives together before a God they may not believe in. However, that's not the world we live in. Believers get married, non-believers get married. Meanwhile, gays and lesbians are treated as second-class citizens, ineligible for the same rights as other citizens. And so, I would've voted against proposition 8.

There needs to be an institution that gives gay and lesbian Americans the same rights as married straight Americans. Otherwise, we will not live in the nation our forefathers designed.



"When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. "

- John Hancock

La Dolce Vita!

This week has been amazing.

I am now an employee of Netflix. I'm two days into training and loving it. It's 100% customer service, I get three days off a week, I have benefits effective immediately, pay is great, the work atmosphere is refreshing...I could go on forever. I once swore I would never work in a call center and sit at a cubicle in front of a computer all day. The minute I walked into the building, however, I was amazed at how relaxed the work environment was. They treat their employees like gold. I feel very blessed. Oh, and I get a free Netflix subscription! And not just 1 or 2 DVDs at a time. No. I get 8. It's a huge perk for movie buffs like Nathan and I. Our first eight arrive tomorrow.

We are pretty much all moved in to our apartment. We're little by little getting boxes put away and whatnot. We love our little love nest.

The Bridal Showcase was really fun. I made some very useful modeling contacts. They had us running around all over the place. I drove all the way across Portland two days last week. It was fun, though. I haven't explored very much of that particular part of the city. I saw my friend Heather from high school at the show. She's getting married next August and was browsing for dresses and venues with her mom and sister. It was nice to reconnect with her.

I am very anxious for the election next week. Primarily, so all the negative ad campaigns will end. And so Oregon Forward will stop calling me. The joys of being a registered Independent. I am very hopeful that Barack Obama wins. I know it's all in God's hands and our best interests are ultimately designed by Him, but if it be His will I pray Obama will guide our nation through the next four and perhaps eight years.

I bought a used copy of a book called Presence. It's a collection of short stories by Arthur Miller, who is my favorite playwright. It's a good read.

I feel like I have more purpose in my life right now. It is difficult to describe. I feel very centered, very purpose-driven.

I love trees.


I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.
- Leo Rosten

Turn and face the strain...

I worked my last day at SBux on Wednesday. It was bittersweet. I wish Tuesday could've been Wednesday, because then I would've had a better last day. Tuesday was a lot nicer than Wednesday.

My dad took a cabaret class at Tony Starlight's Supperclub and they gave a performance last week. It was so good! They had a jam session afterwards, and I sang "I'll Be Seeing You" and dad sang a Cole Porter song, the name of which escapes me at the moment. It was a lot of fun. My dad is awesome.

Nate and I move into our new apartment tomorrow!!! I'm so pumped!

I had a phone interview for a CSR position with Netflix on Thursday. It went very well, I have an in-person interview on Tuesday. The pay is great, so I'm praying really hard that this one works out. I also have an appointment to reactivate my file with the temp agency I used to work with, and I've put my resume out to a couple of other places. So far the prospects are promising.

I also have a modeling gig! I'm a runway model for the Rose City Bridal Showcase next weekend. I'm really excited. I have a rehearsal on Sunday afternoon.

Nate and I watched The Notebook last night. The first time I saw that movie, I hated it. Loathed it. I thought it was so contrived and stupidly cheesy. After watching it last night, I now really really like it. I don't think I really appreciated the story the first time I saw it. And also, it's interesting how our life experiences influence the way we see things. Having Nathan in my life has just added so many colors to the canvas; I think that had a lot to do with my shifted opinion as well. :)

I'm really ready for the election to be over. The negative campaigning just sends so many bad vibes.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: I love autumn in Oregon.





So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like?
- Noah Calhoun